Follow by Email

Thursday, October 13, 2011

GB2 - Week 21 - Clarity

Five weeks ago my world turned upside down with the news that the man I love needs some fairly serious surgery.  Since then my mind has been rushing about, running down avenues I would rather not visit, or creating checklists of things I need to do or say or think about.  Even in sleep I don't think my head gets any rest.  Each new specialist and test paints a more frightening scenario, a larger sense of urgency, and decisions must be made soon. 

I remind myself to not live in fear of what tomorrow can bring but instead to take in these moments and appreciate each one for what it is.  I have been truly blessed in my journey through this world and he is part of each day's gratitude.  These hurdles are both difficult and challenging but there is no choice but keep moving through each of them.

I must confess that sometimes, inside me, there is the little girl curled into a ball with her hands over her ears, eyes closed, screaming that she is not ready and she cannot handle this.  Until I do.  Life continues on and dinner still needs to be cooked, the laundry needs to be folded, and the boy still needs help with his homework.  I can't stop long enough to be overwhelmed.  I have to choose to be weak or be strong and if you know me at all, there really isn't any question about which path I'll take.  I will do what needs to be done.

Sitting on the couch tonight, our kitten crawled onto my chest and collapsed her purring, cuddly self there.  One of our other cats immediately followed suit.  They knew I needed the comfort they could bring.  In those few moments, I got clear on a few important lessons.

I am loved unconditionally. 

The Universe has given me abundant gifts to cherish.

Laughter lightens your heart.

Comfort comes in many forms.

Each moment is precious and not to be wasted. 

I challenge you to find clarity in your life and share your wisdom with the people who are most important to you, and with me here. 


  1. I know that I commented here. Where'd it go? Trying again. My clarity came a few years back and gets easier and more natural as time passes.
    I am so sorry you have to go through all of this and will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
    Stay strong and believe.

  2. Thanks Jo. I do believe. There is no other acceptable outcome but that he will be just fine. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

  3. i SOOOO hear you. When my man also faced a situation ( i actually was working in the ER when he was admitted; my head was never clearer as my heart was put on hold) Our situation changed our financial "stability" didn't matter as long as his life was spared! An ironically..the economy followed suite. We were not alone.

    It's humbling..yet would rather live in clarity and simplicity ..every step was worth it. ((hugs)) what a journey huh? ;0)

  4. This post was very touching. First of all, prayers to you and your loved one's challenges. Thanks for reminding me to be in gratitude for all that I have and I agree, comfort comes in many forms. Our furry friends can be such a blessing at just the right time!

  5. My thoughts are with you. And, while I can't relate to the tragedy you face, I live life as a mom to two beautiful boys with special needs. I have faced doctors and surgeries more times than I care to for my kids. I relate to powering through life and soldiering forward as I live that daily as well. I hope you have a release.

  6. I love that even in the midst of uncertainty and fear, you are able to see and appreciate your blessings. You and yours are in my prayers. ♥

  7. It's better to need surgery in 2011 that 1911. We've made a lot of great advancements, so hopefully everything will turn out fine. Good luck.


  8. @Brenda - As difficult as this is, we have found reasons to laugh, and have been encouraged to do things we'd been putting off. We understand the gravity of this situation and it has further pushed us to enjoy our moments together. Whenever the Universe thinks I'm not paying attention, I get another reason to be grateful for this journey.

  9. @beachlover - I don't like it when I comment on a blog and no one responds. Hahaha... sorry - life has been a bit hectic.

    Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I try to live each day in gratitude. My horse is a rescue.. and he has had a difficult life too. He is as grateful to me as I am to him.

  10. @Amy - thanks. We all have to deal with the hand we are dealt, right? It is those moments on our journey that make us who we are. Everyone finds a time when they need to stand. I have several releases - most of which is Lee himself and his way of processing everything in his life. We have a lot of good times and find a way to laugh.

    I appreciate your time to read this. Hugs to you and your kids!

  11. @Beth - It is one of my strong beliefs that when we learn the lesson that difficult circumstances teach us, we don't have to repeat them. I'm all down with that!

  12. @Joyce - You are not kidding! Very glad that we have the technology and the expertise. Additionally grateful that the most experienced person in this particular instance practices nearby, so we don't have the additional stresses of being far from home when he undergoes surgery.

    Thank you all for the support!