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Friday, October 28, 2011

GBE - Week 23 - Ownership

When I saw this week's topic, I had two different thoughts about the prompt which I thought were separate, and as it turned out were very similar.

I have been participating in Oprah's Lifeclass on OWN.  (Talk about branding yourself!)  The first class talked about ego, and how it got in the way of our true selves. It resonated with me because I am a firm believer that you must own yourself.  You must take ownership of your thoughts, your actions, your choices.  You must live your life learning who you are, and what lessons are brought to you.  If you find something repeating in your life, you can be sure it will continue to repeat until you learn the lesson.  At the end of the day, we only truly have ourselves.  No matter our relationships, our families, our friends and supporters.  We only have ourselves. 

I also truly believe that we cannot own another living being.  Not our husbands, wives, partners, girlfriends, boyfriends, friends, children.   I have a horse and 3 cats that share my life, I don't own them.  Even my 8-year-old, telling me about a dog he had seen said to me, "... and he was walking down the street with his person and he was SOOO cute!"  He understands that person was not that animal's owner, but the person who shares its life. 

Also, I have this thing about spiders.... don't like them.  But I think they are pretty amazing little things... creating webs that are intricate and, in their own way, beautiful.  I try to avoid them for the most part, but when they come in my house, I escort them outside, remembering that my ego says this is 'my' house and 'it' doesn't belong there.  Letting go of that ego, I realize that it has its own place in the world, as much right to be here as I do, and just because I am larger doesn't give me the right to kill it. 

This over 50 thing is really working out for me in an internal way.  Doing a lot of work on being who I am, and I'm owning that!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

GBE #2 - week 22 - Safe haven

*** My thanks go out to Brenda, Joyce and Beth because in reading their posts on this topic, they invited this one!!

When I was a little girl, I lived in a closet for months and no one seemed to mind.  I was the 5th of 6 children, so space of my own was hard to come by.  I shared a room with my sister, Nancy, on the 3rd floor of our house that had a large closet built into the eaves.  It was large enough to hold my twin bed and I could sleep looking out.

I’m not sure if I wanted to live in there because it it was my own place, or if it is my nature to seek time alone. I was born in June, a Cancer - sign of the crab.  The crab retreats inside itself when threatened, and will only come out when it is ready. I embody this trait.  Being alone though, I never feel lonely as I can entertain myself quite well with books, music, and my own imagination.  I have created a safe haven inside myself, which I believe we all need to do to get through our days whole.  
This is not to say that I don’t share that inner world with my family, my friends, my man.  I do, but I have more of myself to share when I can pull back within and feel right with the world when I have need.  It has taught me to hear my inner voice, to open to all my senses, and to form my beliefs about this life I am in.  
That time to just be who you are is something that I tried to give to my children.  My two girls, grown now, are very creative, and my proudest moments as a parent have been watching them march to the beat of their own drum.  My 8-year-old son shows me that need for his own space too - he begs me for boxes to build his own Iron Man suit, a time machine, a laboratory, and most recently, a dinosaur costume.  We currently have a T. Rex domicile in the playroom.  He loves his time alone to grow and explore his reach, but he often invites me along to the late Cretaceous, and I am glad to go there with him. 

Thursday, October 13, 2011

GB2 - Week 21 - Clarity

Five weeks ago my world turned upside down with the news that the man I love needs some fairly serious surgery.  Since then my mind has been rushing about, running down avenues I would rather not visit, or creating checklists of things I need to do or say or think about.  Even in sleep I don't think my head gets any rest.  Each new specialist and test paints a more frightening scenario, a larger sense of urgency, and decisions must be made soon. 

I remind myself to not live in fear of what tomorrow can bring but instead to take in these moments and appreciate each one for what it is.  I have been truly blessed in my journey through this world and he is part of each day's gratitude.  These hurdles are both difficult and challenging but there is no choice but keep moving through each of them.

I must confess that sometimes, inside me, there is the little girl curled into a ball with her hands over her ears, eyes closed, screaming that she is not ready and she cannot handle this.  Until I do.  Life continues on and dinner still needs to be cooked, the laundry needs to be folded, and the boy still needs help with his homework.  I can't stop long enough to be overwhelmed.  I have to choose to be weak or be strong and if you know me at all, there really isn't any question about which path I'll take.  I will do what needs to be done.

Sitting on the couch tonight, our kitten crawled onto my chest and collapsed her purring, cuddly self there.  One of our other cats immediately followed suit.  They knew I needed the comfort they could bring.  In those few moments, I got clear on a few important lessons.

I am loved unconditionally. 

The Universe has given me abundant gifts to cherish.

Laughter lightens your heart.

Comfort comes in many forms.

Each moment is precious and not to be wasted. 

I challenge you to find clarity in your life and share your wisdom with the people who are most important to you, and with me here.